Time for Change
Rarely does a day go by – maybe even an hour – when I’m not discussing some topic related to change with one of my clients. It makes sense because change is inevitable and its inevitability often stirs up anticipatory anxiety about the uncertainty ahead - even when said change is wanted and welcome. In my own life, I’ve grown quite familiar with change and, in fact, recently announced that I’m moving to Ohio after living in Houston the last 12 years. I never imagined that moving back to the Midwest would become an option for me, but life happens and we have a choice: fish or cut bait. There’s a time – and reason – for both. The trick is figuring out what the difference between fishing and avoiding and cutting bait and running looks like in your life. Here are some quick clues to help distinguish between each:Fishing
- Talking about the problem with a trusted source(s)
- Seeking medical attention if needed
- Asking for help from your support network
Avoiding
- Escapisms such as: drinking, drugging, eating, sleeping, working, and/or exercising
- Having an affair(s)/keeping secrets
- Saying you’re going to confront whatever your struggle is, but never (or inconsistently) do
Cutting Bait
- Staying outof emotionally reactive decision-making/acting impulsively
- Going through an appropriate grief process
- Recognizing that there is strength in moving on
Running
- Making emotionally reactive/impulsive decisions
- Rationalizing, justifying, minimizing potential consequences
- Talking only to people who tell you what you want to hear
Though behaviors and ways of thinking that numb people from their pain can be destructive, they are also understandable defaults when the fear of making an honest, values-centered change feels too overwhelming to bear. The reality, though, is that pain is progressive when it goes untreated: little white lies become full blown manipulations; manipulations become betrayals; and betrayals become ways of being. Nothing good comes from swimming in that much shame. Still, the compulsion to hit the eject button on pain is there and the options for short-term relief are effective and, so often, exhilarating. It’s hard to convince anyone that freedom born of facing truth head-on is a much more gratifying experience than the pseudo relief of quick fixes. So, without trying to do what I know I don’t have the power to do, I will offer these words from the poet Brian Andreas instead:
“Most people don’t know that there are angels whose job it is to make sure you don’t get too comfortable and fall asleep and miss your life”
Maybe you can start to think about urges to escape and numb as opportunities to wake-up rather than lean on the snooze button…again. Let sleep be a function of health, not a measure of despair. We all get one shot at living THIS life! How do you want to live yours?