Answers Revealed

Learning to feel uncomfortable feelings is about as desirable an endeavor as watching paint dry.  Even still, many brave souls continue to give it a-go and I have the privilege of supporting them through it.  

When emotions get stirred up, a client’s typical first line of defense is to run away from the discomfort by holding their breath, deflecting with humor, or expressing some sort of self-deprecating thought for feeling their feelings (i.e. “I’m so pathetic”).  Gently, I’ll invite them to take a breath and connect back with the experience they’re having without judging themselves or resisting the urge to withhold what’s trying to emerge.  At this point, I’m usually given a look that would suggest I’ve lost my mind.  

Client: “What do you mean?  Just sit here and feel it?”  

Me: “Well, yes.  That’s what I want you to do.”

Client: “But it doesn’t feel good.  Why would I want to not feel good?”

Me: “You were already not feeling good or we wouldn’t be here talking.  Now you’re going to connect with what’s not feeling good so you can work through it and feel better.” 

Client: “But howwww will I feel better?  What do I DO?”

This is one of my favorite questions.  It’s when the real work begins.  This is the point where someone who really wants to help themselves learns that they can and that many of the tools are already well within reach.

The following excerpt from “Home Body” (a book of poetry) by Rupi Kaur does a beautiful job of outlining the doing work of feeling feelings: 

 list of things to heal your mood:

1)         cry it.  walk it. write it.  scream it. dance it out of your body.

2)         if after all that

you are still

spiraling out of control

ask yourself if sinking into the mud is worth it

3)         the answer is no

4)         the answer is breathe

5)         sip tea and feel your nervous system settle

6)         you are the hero of your life

7)         this feeling doesn’t have power over you

8)         the universe has prepared you to handle this

9)         no matter how dark it gets 

the light is always on its way

10)  you are the light

11)  walk yourself back to where the love lives

Warning: Likely outcomes of following the steps above include: self-compassion, courage, growth, and healing.  Proceed with confidence!