What's Not to Love About Love?

 If you’ve ever been struck in the tuchus by Cupid’s arrow there’s a high probability that you, at least, believe in love. If that little cherub’s arrow hasn’t found your derriere yet, or at least not in awhile, you might feel some ambivalence, if not resistance, about making space for love in your life. Tell-tale signs that you fall in the latter category include thoughts like: “I’ve made it this long without it and I’m fine”; “Been there, done that…not doing it again”; “It never works out so what’s the point?” As a therapist, I hear more rationalizations and justifications for closing the door on love than I do reasons for opening it. What I’ve found is that love’s naysayers believe that the hurt and disappointment they’ve experienced in the wake of heartbreak makes them unique – born of a different ilk, say, from someone who suffers a break-up, bounces back, and tries again. This line of thinking is simply not true; love is not reserved for everyone but you, and you’re certainly not the first or last person who has been unlucky in love. It’s a mistake to believe that love is the enemy – it isn’t. If you’re going to blame anything, blame the fear and shame shackling your heart and stifling your desire to have what we all (with very few exceptions) want: to love and be loved. Suppressing those instincts and yearnings is the real heartbreaker.So, say what you will about Valentine’s Day being nothing more than a product of marketing genius but, if you’re being honest, I don’t think you’d deny that receiving an extra special something from your extra special someone feels good. And, on the Valentine’s Days when you don’t have a special someone, I don’t think you’d deny that some part of you wishes you did. After all, it’s fun! Don’t beat yourself up for wanting that. The heart of even the most earnest cynic craves joy.