Putting the Horse Before the Cart

I’m not an avid Pinterest user, but I’ve noodled around enough to create a couple of “boards” - one of which is dedicated to quotes. I find it particularly therapeutic to read words that string together a thought or describe a feeling in a way that makes meaning or offers hope when either or both are hard to come by. With the beginning of a New Year and the buzz of resolutions filling up journals, gyms, and other self-improvement related pursuits, I had a whim to scroll through my quote board and ended up finding a little inspiration that, to me, seems like the necessary precursor to making a resolution with the most potential for long-term success:“The first step to getting what you want is having the courage to get rid of what you don’t” (Anonymous)Clients and people, in general, are often earnest in their wish for change, but less enthusiastic (or unaware) about steps required to meaningfully support those changes. Most would agree, for example, that losing weight necessitates paying closer attention to diet and exercise. Self-initiated solutions often include: buying a gym membership and starting a diet program. Outcome: inevitably gym going wears off and the diet ebbs and flows between working and not working. Why? A few reasons I hear: “I just don’t have time”; “It’s too hard to keep up with when I eat out”; “I’m too tired”; “I get bored eating the same thing all the time”; “I don’t know how to use the machines”; “I’m not comfortable working out in front of people”. All of these are legitimate in that they are real thoughts reflective of perceived realities, but they can also be reflective of other truths including: fear, lack of motivation, all-or-nothing thinking, not having the right (or any) support, and/or honest to goodness laziness. Interestingly, if these barriers were eliminated (or, at least, lessened), a steady, healthy weight loss would be much more possible. In other words, I see people make the mistake of placing their focus on the weight rather than the reasons behind the weight. I could say the same for just about any desired change people discuss with me from wanting a romantic relationship, a different job, less credit card debt, more joy in their life, or healthier self-esteem. Every single one of these requires – first - looking below the surface and investing time and energy to better understand what holds you back from making choices that align with the changes you seek. It’s far easier to buy a gym membership than it is to use it. Using it requires the courage to organize your life in a way that enables you to go, which could mean waking up earlier, asking for help, and saying ‘no’ to what’s convenient even when you’re tired and convenience would be easier. You will have to give up, or at least reconfigure, some part of what you’re doing now to make the change(s) you want – and that takes courage. It’s also courageous to say, “I’m not ready to commit to making that change yet” and focus on something you are ready to do. Start the year off in a way that lets you build yourself up so that you don’t finish the year tearing yourself down.