Walk the Talk
For over a week I’ve been mulling over a question that feels important to pose here. When it was presented to me it felt like one of those record playing stopping moments when, all of a sudden, background noise fades and the enormity of the disruption zooms into focus. Of course, I can’t say how or if this question will impact your present moment the way it did mine, but I hope it will challenge and enlighten you nonetheless. I also hope it can serve as a guide post for where you place your intentions as the holiday season kicks off and the pressure to go and do and be ramps up to the point of overwhelming even the most mindful of holiday merrymakers.The question: What really matters most [to you]?Maybe the answer(s) rolls off your tongue, maybe you’re hearing crickets, or maybe it’s a combination of both. It’s easy to say what you think should really matter most, but if your actions don’t support your words, it’s time to reevaluate. For example, if giving back to your community comes to mind, what would the evidence of that be beyond your well-intentioned heart? Take any one of the “what really matters most” items you thought of and then ask yourself whether it exists more in the form of a personal wish/ideal or an observable fact as demonstrated by how you live your life. Say your answer mirrors one of the following:
- “What matters most to me is well supported by my actions, but…I don’t feel a sense of fulfillment or joy”. I see this in my practice all the time. There can be many reasons for this, but one of the most common is functioning as if certain things matter most to you when they actually matter most to someone you don’t want to disappoint (i.e. parent(s), friend, spouse). Joy doesn’t stand a chance when fear is at the helm.
- “Oh no. What matters most to me is not well supported by my actions”. Here again, there can be lots of reasons for this, but a common one is a wish to have your cake and eat it, too. Something that really matters most needs to be prioritized, which requires saying ‘no’ or ‘not today’ or ‘not now’ to certain things in order to make more room for certain other things. It boils down to making sacrifices. Plain, simple, and OH-so-hard! If you’re not willing to make the sacrifice(s), it probably isn’t something that really matters most. At least not at this point in your life. Careful not to fall prey to shame if you find yourself here. Let the truth liberate you! Where’s the joy in struggling to make something matter more than it actually does? That’s a recipe for anxiety and depression.
- “I have no idea. I think it’s this and then I think it might be that.” As soon as you think you know what really matters most you replace it with something else, but nothing really sticks. That’s okay. Maybe you’ve never considered the question and, yet, you’ve been wondering why your life lacks focus, purpose, or meaning. Here’s your invitation to dig deep and connect with your voice. Make that what really matters most.
- “What matters most to me is well supported by my actions and I feel healthy and happy”. Celebrate! And, pay it forward by sharing your story and being a good listener to others who aren’t as clear.
No matter what your answer, the point of this is to raise your awareness and, in so doing, acknowledge what lines up, what doesn’t, and what needs to happen in order to bridge any gaps. The expectation is not perfection. The goal, though, is twofold: 1. Confidently identifying what really matters most to you and 2. Pursuing it with the same conviction as you think it. That’s what success looks like and it is well within your reach.