“Oh No You Di’nt!”

Picture this: a row of eager parents lining the sideline of a soccer game on a beautiful crisp fall afternoon with the Smoky Mountains in the backdrop as two teams of 12 year old boys took to the field to compete for the tournament championship. Both teams had played another game earlier in the day and two games the day before so everyone was running on fumes. Overall, the competition hadn’t been enough to stir up the kind of excitement one might feel watching, say, the University of Kentucky and Villanova play the last game of the Final Four, but, still, neither team (nor their respective parents) wanted to walk away the loser. The whistle blew, the game began, and our team quickly took the lead and won by a score of 3-0. This is not a story about the outcome of the game itself, though. This isn’t even about the kids. This is about the kids’ parents and, specifically, the unfortunate reality of what can happen when Ego supersedes logic, humility, and straight-up likeability…something we are all guilty of and often blind to in the moment when we lose our scruples.The details of what actually happened aren’t any different from what was probably happening at hundreds of other sporting events across the country: the referee made a call that a parent on our team didn’t like, that parent let his disgruntlement be known with loud adolescent-like spewings of malcontent toward the referee at which point a parent from the opposing team engaged with our out of control parent, trying to point out the silliness in wasting energy about something so insignificant when it was clear that the complaining parent’s team was clearly going to win the game and, Hello!, this was not the World Cup. Unfortunately for the parent attempting to smack some reason into our team’s parent, he didn’t come off much better than our guy. It was all petty, chest puffing machismo that turned an otherwise relaxed and enjoyable game watching experience into something that felt uncomfortable, irritating, and, I’ll speak for myself, embarrassing to have an adult representing our team acting such a fool.Stepping away from the heat of that particular moment, I realized this parent that I felt embarrassed by represented something much bigger than “that guy” - he was all of us who have ever acted unconsciously, without regard for others’ feelings, and in a way that least represents who we strive to be as role models, family members, friends, partners, and teammates. He was unhinged and if I want to point my finger at him, I need to point it at myself, too, because I have certainly been guilty of acting selfishly and in ways that contradict my values - maybe not on the sideline of a soccer game, but that’s beside the point. We are all capable of making ourselves a fool. It is far easier, though, to call someone else out for their foolishness than it is to look at our own. I wanted to tap this parent on his back, lock eyes with him, and ask:1. What are you doing?2. Why?3. Who do you think you are?4. How do you think your kid would feel if he knew you were up here acting like an idiot?5. What are you gaining from this?I think the wiser and more productive thing to do, though, is to challenge myself, and all of you reading this, to ask those very same questions of ourselves the next time we fall into one of those “that guy/girl” moments - wherever and however that looks. Get curious and be really honest with your answers. See if you’d want to sit next to yourself on the sideline…and, if not, ask yourself what you need to do to be someone whose company you’d like to keep.