Time for a Treat

As I made the transition from Texas to Ohio earlier this year, I wrote a lot about change and the reasons people resist, dread, and, often, do everything they can to avoid it. I also talked about the grief that comes with saying good-bye to what’s familiar. The bottom line of those writings was that change typically brings about some level of discomfort – whether the result of logistical stressors, heightened emotions, or both. When the intensity of uncertainty looms it’s easy to lose sight of the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Today, I want to talk about that elusive “light” and offer whatever assurance I can that it does, in fact, exist; that perseverance, faith in something, and courage actually do payoff.This time last year I was living and working in Houston wishing (for the twelfth year in a row) for weather that felt like fall. I remember looking at my sweaters and contemplating wearing one because I wanted to, not because the temperature dictated warmer layers – or any layers, for that matter. It was just too hot. I remember feeling as excited as ever about my therapy practice, but also registering that I wanted more in my life than my career. I remember feeling broken hearted when I came to the clear realization that the life I was living and the life I longed for were different…and those differences weren’t going to be reconciled in Houston. The love of my life was a room with a couch, chair, and four walls that served as a sacred holding space for thousands of conversations that brought myriad awakenings, one of which was my own: it was time to move on - not from my practice, but from the emptiness of longing for something more.For me, “more” was about being closer to family, experiencing four seasons, making a home, creating a full life, following my gut, and closing a 12 year-long chapter on a time in my life that broke me down, opened me up, and, ultimately, set me free. I was sure that leaving was the right decision, but, still, it was hard to go; even the most convicted heart has its vulnerabilities. So, I drew from the well of lessons I’ve learned and words – like the ones below – that have come to form my beliefs:“Follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be” (Joseph Campbell).A couple of doors did begin to open before I officially left Houston; welcome surprises that reassured me I was moving in the right direction. And when it came time to go, it was okay. I was okay. Now, I’m in my new life, experiencing a true fall. It was 48 degrees this morning and, at long last, I’m wearing a sweater; I see my family with more regularity than I have since I left home for college; the trees are bursting with flame colored leaves; and, my life and love has expanded beyond the room with a couch, chair, and four walls in ways I could have only ever dreamed. The thing is, though, I did dream. I never stopped pushing for what I wanted and while that pursuit has cost me, it is also the reason I’m standing in the light on the other side of the tunnel today.So, I wonder…what are you dreaming of?