The Spaces We Keep

Eight months ago I moved to Kentucky. Two weeks ago I moved in. I had been staring at many of my things that I’d unpacked, but hadn’t placed…at least not in a way that felt helpful, satisfying, or practical. Typically, I move faster to get settled, but for various logistical reasons my process has been delayed. Rather than continuing to wait for the situation to be different, I decided to roll up my sleeves and do what I could to create something better. The change has felt like the difference between arriving at the movie theater and sitting in your car thinking about what you’re about to see versus going in and seeing it. It’s so much better to be here fully.This experience has had me thinking about how we choose to fill the spaces we inhabit. There’s the physical aspect of space - its location, the layout, and the decor. Than, there’s the emotional space - the energy that’s brought into a room by both what’s in it as well as who’s in it. For me, the disorganization I’d created was holding the physical space hostage to a state of disarray. Turns out I’d allowed myself to become desensitized to the dishevelment and ended up holding myself hostage to a feeling of resignation that it was just going to have to be that way until one day when…. I hadn’t realized how much of an emotional toll the experience of wishing these spaces looked and felt more like…well, me…was weighing on my spirit.Clients often talk about this very same thing with regards to the unpleasantries taking up space in their lives: negativity in their relationships; the impossible pace they’re trying to keep to manage the busyness of their lives; anxiety around unresolved and ongoing health issues; or some other equally burdensome and exhausting reality. They can recognize that something is out of place, but strategizing a way through seems to take a back seat to turning a not-so blind eye. There’s no doubt that it can feel like there are no other options but to keep treading water and doing what you’ve been doing. Sometimes, though, we get so focused on trying to stay afloat that we forget we’re not in the middle of a thousand foot deep ocean with no one else around and nothing to support us - we’re actually in a kiddie pool with less than a foot of water beneath us. The ground is there. I understand that asking for help or admitting to yourself that what you’re doing isn’t working may not suit your Ego and is out of alignment with the deeply embedded belief that you should be able to keep up because “if I can’t I’ve failed”. If that belief were right than you would also have to believe that the consequences of feeling unhappy, out of control, and resentful are indicative of a healthy lifestyle. They’re not.Take a look around and notice the space you’re in - physically and emotionally. Be honest as you take inventory of what you see and feel. When you register something that falls outside the sweet spot of feeling both energized and peaceful…make a mental note. I’m not saying the change(s) you need will come easily or without work. What I am saying is that, in most cases, the key to creating change is right there in your own pocket. Don’t waste time searching for something you already have - it will go better for you and I think you’ll enjoy where you are a whole lot more.