Making a Happier Holiday

I came across a quote last week that I could have sworn I saved in order to share here, but I can’t find it anywhere.  Since I can’t give you the quote as I read it, I’ll give you the butchered version:  For a much more enjoyable holiday, ground yourself in the reality of who your family is rather than whom you wish them to be.

I’d like to encourage applying the same principle of managing expectations and staying in reality to just about every experience you choose to participate in throughout this season.  There will be many opportunities for merry making and, equally so, disappointments.  I know the idea of disappointment doesn’t carry festive vibes, but herein lies my point: we often ignore the reality of what we know to be true in hopes that this time it/he/she will be different.  And then, surprise(!), history repeats itself and what we hoped would be different, isn’t.  You might blame it on “the holidays” or your “crazy family” or any number of excuses that gloss over what actually happened: you didn’t tell yourself the truth.

I’m no stranger to this kind of crazy making vis a vis family and, most recently, over pie.  In homage to my deceased dad’s pie making legacy, I chose to make a homemade pecan pie (crust and all) for my family’s Thanksgiving.  My only other experience with pie baking was last year when I attempted the very same thing.  My fantasy was that I’d make a crust that not only tasted delicious, but also looked perfect in its presentation.  If you’ve ever made pie crust, you know how daunting/fragile a job it is.  Somehow, I believed that hoping I’d be able to make the crust I pictured in my mind would be enough to turn me into Martha Stewart.  That did not happen.  What did happen is that I made a crust that did not fit the size of the pan and ended up breaking off all around the edges resembling bitten fingernails: ratty, uneven, and a long way from pretty!  I was so disappointed.  But why?  The odds of me being able to pull off a beautiful looking crust having never practiced and using hope as my strategy were terribly low.  It wasn’t the recipe’s or anyone/thing else’s fault, it was because I had not prepared for the challenge nearly enough.  I was more invested in the fantasy of what I hoped would happen than I was in accepting the reality of what was bound to happen given my lack of preparation and inexperience.  That said, it tasted delicious!

I understand that a pie baking snafu might seem less devastating than familial contention, but I challenge you to stop comparing the two and focus instead on the first domino that sets both disappointments in motion.  The object receiving your energy (i.e. pie dough vs family) is not the problem.  Dough can be finicky and family can be difficult, but the mindset with which you approach both makes all the difference.  Make sure you have the tools in place to support the most positive outcome possible and if you don’t know what those tools are, seek the help of someone who does.  Old habits do die hard so I know it isn’t as easy as it sounds, but neither is pie.  With practice, you can have the goodness of both.