A Note on Love

In honor of “Loveuary” (thank you Hallmark Channel), I have a strand of red and pink felt hearts hanging across my mantle.  It’s festive and appeals to the romantic in me.  The realist in me, however, looks at those hearts and reminds me that love is way more than meets the eye; easy to idealize, harder to live into.  Major buzzkill.  But, it’s the truth, and we’re all better served dealing in truth than we are fantasy.

The thing is, fantasies are so much more exhilarating.  They sweep us off our feet and fulfill all our needs and wants…without ever having to say a word.  There’s no discomfort, disappointment, or struggle.  Heaven!  Inevitably, though, the bubble bursts and hearts break.  Understandably, that’s not the part of the story anyone likes to hear - especially when riding high on notions of love conquering all.  Speaking of which…

Valentine’s Day messages tend to be as light and airy as the cupcakes that accompany them.  There’s nothing wrong with delighting in the doe-eyed side of love, but there is a disservice in perpetuating an idea about it that stops and starts with being the peanut butter to someone’s jelly.  Of course, as kids, it’s all fun and games.  As adults, though, we owe it to ourselves to get real about the business of love.  Like it or not, believe it or not, love requires more than a feeling to grow.  

Perhaps if we talked more about what it takes to sustain love, we’d be better stewards of it.  Imagine conversation hearts conveying elevated messages like these:

“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give - which is everything.”
(Katherine Hepburn)
“The real work of relationships is not occasional, or even daily: it is minute-to-minute.”
(Terry Real)
“Love does not dominate; it cultivates.”
(Johann Wolfgang Van Goethe)
“The responsibility of love: to keep another’s heart safe.”
(Bridgett Devoue)
“Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy.  Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.”
(Esther Perel)

Granted, not quite as catchy as “I love you to-ma-toes”.  But, they are important reminders of love’s bottom line: it’s hard work.  If you think it’s anything less, put down the chocolate, turn off the movie, and tell your sweet, innocent younger Self to take a deep breath and be brave.  The best love stories start there.