What She Said
One of the most exciting aspects of my job is that I’m always learning. Just when I think I’ve heard it all, I haven’t, and just when I think there couldn’t possibly be another way to reach someone, there is. It may be clichè to say that my clients are my greatest teachers, but they embody the complexity of what it means to be human; textbooks and theories provide helpful frameworks, but they can’t interpret the totality of someone’s spirit.
Second to my clients, are the people in my life who share what/who speaks to them and how those messages are helping them grow. This happened not too long ago when a friend introduced me to Jillian Turecki’s podcast: “Jillian on Love”. On it, Jillian helps people understand what a healthy, loving intimate relationship looks like. I find her approach to be user friendly, rooted in realism, and gentle enough to be able to say hard truths in a way that comforts rather than repels. A recent post on her Instagram account (@jillianturecki) resonated deeply - so much so I’m sharing it here:
“To walk away from someone you care about who cannot meet your needs is one of the bravest acts you can do.
Not just any needs. The really important ones. Non-negotiably important. The ones that are essential for you to function and thrive in a relationship. The ones that you have been open and honest about wanting and needing.
A lot of people call it quits too soon. They’re not willing to do the hard work to grow past their immaturity and fear together. But there are a lot of people who stay too long. Sometimes, we get attached to good people who do not have the emotional preparedness to do what it takes to make a relationship work. Some people are not on the same page as us. Some aren’t choosing us. And some are simply not a good match.
Facing your fears will take everything you’ve got.
To walk away from someone can trigger your deepest fears of starting over again and facing loneliness.
It means you have to resist your powerful instinct to stay connected and attached in favor of doing what is in your highest good, long-term.
You will have to choose yourself. Which really means to re-commit to the life you know you must live that you can no longer compromise on or live in denial about.
This is not easy. It hurts. It is scary.
It takes a tremendous amount of courage to step away and into the unknown of your future. Into the uncertainty of walking alone, again.
But no amount of connection can ever make up for the pain that is guaranteed if we remain in a relationship that we know is not good for us.”
What a gift I’ve been given to sit as witness to others’ becoming. Seizing opportunities to pay my experience, exposures, and knowledge forward is equally gratifying. My hope with this post is that anyone reading will thank their fear for working so hard to protect them and, then, let their courage take the wheel. With the right resources in place, you’ll never regret learning that you can fly.