Go Ahead, Freak Yourself Out!

“So, how does that make you feel?”This question – or some version of it – is inevitably part of any script used to parody therapists and their approach to helping. The humor, of course, is in how a well-educated, thoughtful professional could take him/herself seriously while asking such a seemingly mundane question and believe it to be a profoundly important part of “the process”. In a comedy sketch, the scene plays out with an intelligently written back-and-forth spoof between heady therapist and milk toast client and guffaws of laughter coming from the audience. In real life, asking: “So, how does that make you feel?” tends to elicit an exasperated roll of the eyes, a deflection (i.e. laughter), radio silence, or an honest accounting of feelings (i.e. sad, angry, happy, etc). Whatever the response, the dreaded feelings question is provocative. In thinking about this, I’ve wondered how to preserve the integrity of the question while turning the experience of answering it into a creative invitation rather than an “oh no, here we go again” thought loop.Typically, at Halloween, we think about who and what we want to dress up to be. This year, what if you asked yourself how you feel…and dressed as that feeling. What feeling most represents where you are in this moment? How would you represent that feeling with clothing, make-up, colors, textures, and/or words?   What does pure joy look like? Shame? Gratitude? Exhaustion? What would it be like to take what you feel on the inside and wear it on the outside? You might be surprised by how good it can feel to reveal a part of you that you’ve tucked away. Maybe if you wear pain, you find something beautiful in it, or, if you wear fear, you find strength where you thought you had none. Sometimes the feeling we feel most afraid of doesn’t seem so dark when we wear it in the light.If you’re a feeling-phobic and find yourself scoffing at the idea that dressing up as a feeling could actually be fun, consider this: you weren’t born afraid of feelings. More than likely, you came into the world with a hearty cry as you took your first breaths. Sound, not silence, is the first sign of health. As we grow older, we tend to squash our natural sensitivities for fear of being perceived as weak, fragile, or even ridiculous. Emotional expressivity is our birthright, an extension of our humanity, and the gateway to connection. No exceptions. You can fight, stuff, avoid, or deny your feelings all you want, but the truth remains: we are thinking and feeling beings. This Halloween, treat yourself to the idea that working hard to feel less may be one way you’re preventing yourself from having more.