Slow Your Roll

As a therapist, I spend a lot of time thinking and talking about change.  Whether about behavior, lifestyle, or mindset, change is the order of the day and it echos louder in January as New Year’s resolutions become the hoped-for antidote to unbridled holiday indulgences.  So many good intentions are laid in the spirit of “New Year New Me” and, still, very often those good intentions fall flat.

Earlier this month, I read a New Year’s newsletter focused on the theme of out with the old and in with the new.  The author talked about the feeling of wanting to create change and the frustration of getting stuck in the process.  Her message highlighted the notion that desire alone is not enough to make lasting change.  While some may hear that as a buzzkill and surefire dasher of hopes, I celebrate her candor and the quote she included to drive the point home:

“Yearning for a new way will not produce it.  Only ending the old way can do that.
You cannot hold onto the old, all the while declaring that you want something new.
The old will defy the new;
The old will deny the new;
The old will decry the new.
There is only one way to bring in the new.  You must make room for it.”
(Neal Donald Walsch)

Desire is a solid starting point, but it won’t do the work for you.  There needs to be a well defined ‘why’ behind your want.  For example, “I want to eat healthier because nourishing my body, improving my mobility, and treating myself the way I want to feel is a reflection of how I value myself” is far more potent than “I want to eat healthier because I should”.  What drives you to be better to/for yourself?  If it’s the pressure of an outside source more than it is the voice of your own reckoning, I encourage you to rethink who or what is driving your change train.  We’re all susceptible to the allure of a trend and being enticed by magical thinking, but momentum born of seduction only lasts so long.  Remember: the tortoise didn’t beat the hare because he learned how to fly; he won because he stayed the course with self-awareness, patience, and persistence.  No disrespect to January, but its high octane reputation for change isn’t the change maker.  You are.  Be a tortoise.