Saying Yes to Saying No

As a therapist, I spend a lot of time talking about boundaries. By definition, a boundary is “a line that marks the limit of an area”. People don’t seem to have any trouble with this concept when it comes to protecting personal belongings like a cell phone, jewelry, or, say, their home, for example. In fact, people don’t usually think twice about making sure they have the things that they value protected. It’s a different story, though, when it comes to protecting their feelings, which, of course, are only the most important components of our emotional health and well-being. So, why the resistance to placing as much of a premium on what makes us feel good and safe internally as we do on things we cherish externally? There are many reasons for the discrepancy, but at the base there often lies a fear that protecting oneself emotionally would run the risk of losing a relationship with someone or something important. To be fair, it’s a valid fear...in order for a boundary to be a working boundary, something has to change and, as we all know, change can be hard – liberating and rewarding, too, but hard nonetheless. I just wonder why people aren’t as afraid of what will likely happen to their spirit and their health if something doesn’t change, and they’re left tolerating, at best, and suffering, at worst, in the dis-ease of a situation/relationship/habit that is more life-sucking than it is life-giving. Saying ‘no’ to a pattern in your life that isn’t serving you, isn’t adding quality, is taking more than it’s giving, that makes you feel crazy, that breaks your heart, that keeps you down more than it brings you up, that has you working for it more than it’s working for you, that depletes you -- is brave. Dare to say ‘yes’ to saying ‘no,’ one day at a time and one ‘no’ at a time. And breathe. Always remember to breathe.