On the Brink

My husband and I recently sold the house that he has lived in for 15 years and for the last few weeks we’ve been actively and exhaustively preparing it for moving day, which was Friday.  This is our first move together and, like most changes, it brings stress, excitement, uncertainty, and mishaps (i.e. hot water going out days before handing the keys over).  We’re not going far, but if it were only about the mileage between where we’ve been and where we’re going, I would be diminishing the emotional weight that comes with picking up and settling back down 10 miles from the street my husband grew up on, the only town his boys have ever lived in, and my first year as a newlywed and step-mom in the Bluegrass.  For my husband, this house holds his paternal family’s history, his first marriage, and 13 years of being a dad.  For my step-sons, it’s the first and last house they knew as a family with their mom and dad together.  For me, my attachment has more to do with how warmly this sweet little community has welcomed me than it does the house itself, though I appreciate the importance of it in my husband’s and his boys’ life story.  Outside of deciding to get married, this move is the first major life decision we’ve made as a couple.  As we get further down the path and into the next chapter of our life together I know we’re experiencing different feelings - his rooted in nostalgia and mine in anticipation of what’s to come - as much as we’re also clicking our heels over everything new that awaits.  Though this is a new transition, the elements of it are no different than any other transition process I’ve been witness to or a participant in insofar as change typically begins with an idea of what you want to be different.  From there, there's the choice to press forward and face whatever challenges stand in your way or stay inside the comfort zone of wanting and wishing, but never going for it.  For many people, the latter is where it starts and stops.  While that is a process in its own right, it doesn’t lend itself to a true transition.  What it does do, though, is highlight reasons you may be stuck.  If you find yourself there, I hope you’ll do the work and find the courage to keep pushing up against yourself and whatever it is that’s limiting you.  I’ve never known anyone to find honest, healthy fulfillment by acquiescing to self-defeating thoughts or the naysaying of others. That said, to be wary of taking a risk to change your life is normal.  Having people in your life to encourage, support, and help hold you up is vital.  My favorite recent example of this is a picture my brother posted of himself sporting a newly shaven head.  The caption read: “I’ve trimmed my locks again as a reminder of so many things…the ability we all have to transform…and then transform again; the importance of not becoming attached to transient things; the understanding that no matter how advanced we may become or how many people might call us ‘teacher’ we are ultimately all eternal students; and maybe most importantly the recognition of ourselves as luminous beings whose true beauty radiates out from within…if we let it.”  He was marking the 8th anniversary of shaving his head before beginning his yoga teacher training - a training that changed his life forever in all the very best ways for who he is, what he wants, and how he lives.  His words were so timely as my husband and I prepare to slide further down the transformation rainbow toward our own pot of gold.  I hope they can be just as timely for you in helping carry you closer to yours.