I Love Me, I Love Me Not, I Love Me

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think about February?  For me, it’s love.  Granted, that’s not really a stretch when the Valentine’s Day themed cards, candy, stuffed animals, colors, and commercials start to descend. Most of us have been programmed (willingly or not) to associate this month, and, specifically, February 14, with images of cherubs shooting love-filled arrows at unsuspecting targets; according to myth, their victims will fall helplessly in love with the next person he/she meets. Many among us think of Cupid warmly. Others . . . well, others aren't so sure. Whatever your relationship with Cupid, I have a Valentine’s Day message that I hope will give everyone a reason to believe in the spirit of love he represents.Let me begin by placing it in context: Valentine’s Day stirs up a range of emotions -- excitement, anticipation, cynicism, loneliness --  because the promotion of it is so rooted in the idea that love comes from someone or something outside of us: our spouse, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, secret admirer, and so on.  Furthermore, it’s the idea that in order for the day to be special (and, therefore, for us to be able to feel special), we need to have someone else make it special for us.  Let me be clear…I am in no way putting a wet blanket on the joy of having persons in our life who make us feel special.  That’s a wonderful gift and something to be treasured.  What I am saying, though, is that there is one kind of love that Valentine’s Day doesn’t advertise: self-love (aka self-compassion).  We’re familiar with romantic love and platonic love, but self-love is less known and certainly less practiced.To put it simply: self-love is taking all of the kindness, love, and tenderness that we bestow upon others so freely and redirecting it to ourselves.  It’s not self-indulgent or selfish, it’s just an acknowledgement of our own worthiness.  It’s the ability to give ourselves a wink or a nod; to treat ourselves to our favorite flowers; to take a hot bath; to schedule a day off; to cook something that takes time; to read a book; to forgive ourselves for being imperfect; to be gentle with our heart when it feels broken.  Self-love can be practiced in big ways and small, day or night, alone or in the company of others, and the best part is that the more you practice, the less you depend on something/someone outside of you to fill a space that can only truly be filled by you.  Anything extra is icing on the cake.Like anything else that’s worth having, loving yourself well takes intention, commitment, and a steady practice.  Dabbling in it is better than doing nothing at all, but immersing yourself in it one day at a time is where the greatest rewards lie. Reminding yourself of your goodness is free food for the soul.  It’s never too late to try and it’s always available.  Do yourself a favor this Valentine’s Day and give it a whirl.  You’re worth it.